Rakistan Vs Kustralia

"Reports from: Barsha Hogle Reporting from MCG on the eve of the second test between Kustralia and Rakistan.

What a day! Overcast conditions, slightly cold. Perfect conditions for a superb game of cricket. Here we go. The two captains are out at the center for toss. Picky will spin the coin and Balman Sutt will call. Up goes the coin. It’s a tail. But the match referee looks bemused. Why? Oh. No. Sutt refused to call because it was just a one cent coin. He claims he has not even imagined such currencies even exist and asks for a higher valued coin to be tossed up. After fifteen minutes of negotiation, Sutt has agreed for the toss with a 2 cent coin. Now the coin goes up, Sutt calls head. It's a head. So he wins the toss. And the coin too (Must be a part of the negotiation). Sutt has decided to bowl first on a bowler friendly track. Good decision I would say.

First day:

Here come the Kustralian openers. Wane Hatson and Kimon Satich. Fully packed stadium with a wonderful atmosphere. A delight for every cricket fan. Rakistan begin with Bamir and Bakhtar. Two intelligent, pacy bowlers who can do anything on their day. Match is underway and Bamir starts of with a nasty bouncer to Hatson. Hits him on his head.

...

Rakistan bowled beautifully. Kustralians are bundled out for a meager 196 runs at the end of the first day.

Press conference at the end of the first day:

Picky: We have put ourselves in a difficult position. It is important for us come back strongly tomorrow

Sutt: We have put ourselves in a difficult position. It is important for us come back strongly tomorrow

You don't understand Sutt's statement is it? Even I don't. Lets try to understand as the match Progresses.

Second day:

Rakistan are 158 for 1. That is brilliant stuff by Rakistan. They are in a very good position to win it from here on.

Press conference at the end of the second day:

Picky: We have to do something out of our skin to accomplish this challenge.

Sutt: We have to do something out of our skin to accomplish this challenge.

Sutt is sarcastic or what? No clue yet again mates. Sorry.

Third day:

Oh my god. What a day!! 19 wickets in a single day of test cricket. Rakistan all out for 159 in their first innings. Kustralia 0 for no loss declare. Rakistan needed a meager 29 runs to win the match. But they are all out for 18.

This is impossible. Ridiculous.

Post match press conference:

Picky: We did it. Yes. Even though they had 19 wickets in all, we had 50 cents with us. On the second day we thought we would cheat and win the match. Unfortunately we didn’t get umpires like Sucknor for this test match. So we had to lose 50 cents.

Question 1: Sir, can you please elaborate on how it cost you 50 cents? Is it worth that much?

Picky: Good question. Sutt told me at the toss that Rakistan charge different rates for different types of losses. If I remember correctly, they charge 10 cents for innings defeat and 4 cents to lose a match on 5th day, 6 to lose on 4th day and 8 to lose on 3rd day. Further, each player had to be paid 2 cents for his wicket. So, totally 20 * 2 = 40 plus 8 cents for finishing on the third day.

Reporter 2: Woo.. That’s costly.!

Question 2: What about the remaining 2 cents sir?

Picky: You dumbass, will you pay the tax? We had to pay the tax to Rakistan government through RCB for the income of the players.

Question 3: Sir, why did you choose to finish the test in 3 days? You could have made use of free food and accommodation for two more days if you had played the match for five days.

Picky: That’s true. But a few of our players wanted to spend the weekend with their (read ‘a’) girl, a few wanted to go fishing and a few even wanted to go ‘monkey’ ing. So we decided to close the match in three days.

Picky: Sorry, guys. That’s it. I have got a meeting regarding negotiations for next match with Sutt today evening. He said he would be giving some discount. So I will leave you guys with this for now. While going out please donate something for the Kustralian cricket team. Hatson is waiting with a bowl at the entrance. We are in short of funds as Cricket Kustralia doesn't fund us for these negotiations.

Off he goes. Here comes Sutt.

Sutt: Now you guys will understand why I had said that it would be very tough for us during the press conferences of first two days. I know that at least on the third day the Kussies would come in for negotiations. Since we were in a very strong position it was very difficult for us to lose the match. The challenging thing for us was that, on the eve of the third day, picky asked if it is possible for us to finish the match today itself. Losing 19 wickets on a single day is very tough.

Reporter 1: Indeed. ;-)

Sutt went off immediately.

It seems He has a meeting with ICC chief before meeting Picky. ;-) “

As a true cricket fan, I wish cricket was/is/will not (be) this ugly. :-)

Cricket - The gentleman's game. :-) Wish It remains so.

PS : This post is just an hilarious attempt and is not intended to offend anyone. All characters are imaginary and do not represent any real life entities.